So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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