Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
