i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
