Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
