i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
