I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
