Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
