a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
