I wannas sexs uuuuu
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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