I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
