I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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