that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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