white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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