I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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