I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
