He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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