I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
