Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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