and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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