I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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