She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
