have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize