Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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