so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
