just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
