Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Operation Purity has been aborted
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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