he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Come on in and take your pants off
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