I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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