I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize