You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I fill condoms, not promises.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
