Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
