Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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