we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
