I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
