You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
