Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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