I want to make a zoo with you.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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