I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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