Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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