Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
