I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize