Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
