Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
