I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Watching her eat just hurts me
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
