He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
