Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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