Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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