i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I came so hard my ears popped.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
