when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
