The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
