I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
