I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
