Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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