just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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