Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
