My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
