we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
