The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
