Pregnant stripper...not hot.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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