I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
