i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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