how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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