hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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