babies were throwing up all over the place
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize