The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
