we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
