i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize