Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
