I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
