u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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