i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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