Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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