i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
