drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
