You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
