He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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