dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
