What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
