So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
