I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
